So Season 1 of luckylittlelady draws to a close and I head home for 'The Holidays'.
'Think of all of the things you have learnt' the Scot said before I left. 'You mean apart from it turns out I can actually drink white wine and there is no such thing as too many burgers?' I ask.
LA is tough. People always say that, a bit like New York with her own personality. You have to wonder how much harder it would be if the weather wasn't so glorious every day. Oh actually we had three days of rain last week. Ok that's three days of rain in five months as well but still...... By the end of day two I was asking for my money back.
I'm only leaving for three weeks but it got me thinking about what I'll miss about LA and what I can't wait to get back to. Family, friends and the weather are a given but what else?
The money. The American money is ridiculous. A bit harsh I know but I always think I have a purse full and it's always just dollar bills. And the coins? The sizing is all wrong. I know this yet I still think the ten cents coin should be bigger than the five (I think they are called nickel and dime but it's a bit like school years, it doesn't matter how many times you tell me which is which it just doesn't matter, my brain can't deal. Although to be fair I am still working in infants and juniors) Yey for the English money in all its colourful, different shaped glory.
Tesco. I miss Tesco (& Morrisons as well it has to be said) I am a lot better in Ralph's now and don't have a breakdown when I get to the checkout and see the total price but it's still not the same. And I really really want to buy things in small portions. Why can't I do that? Why do you have Costco America when the general supermarkets are all super sized? I live in LA. The people aren't super sized so why can't I buy a normal packet of crisps? I can't eat some and save the rest, it's impossible! Oh and am I allowed to say I miss Home & Bargain?
Bread that's not sweet, eggs that aren't white, Cadbury's chocolate that tastes like Cadbury's chocolate and chewy/gum that isn't a long stick like in the 90's. Don't get me started on the popcorn in the cinema!
Not being understood. All of the time! The Scot and I for some reason are known in Starbucks as Suezon and Hannah! We don't think our names are that difficult. Apparently they are.
What will I miss about LA? Can I mention the weather? No? Ok. The things LA has to offer that make it so great. The hiking, the hills, the city, the beach, Uber! The positivity. The amount of acting jobs and auditions there are. How everyone thinks you are amazing just because you have an English accent whether they can understand you or not. How you can be an actor just because you are one not because of the last time someone saw you on Corrie. And Happy Hour. Oh Happy Hour! I better get on to Groupon.
Farewell LA it's been an eventful 5 months. Wait for Season 2. It's coming back in January, bigger and better than ever. It may even involve grown ups driving cars and moving into apartments. It's going to be good!
From Liverpool to LA. Should be easy, right?
This is 40?
So today is three months since my birthday and I've been in LA almost five months so I thought it was a good time for an evaluation.
I lie!
Apparently there's a website where you can go to make friends. Not date, just make friends. You know, get new mates. It's not that I need to replace the ones I have, it's just that the majority of them live thousands of miles away. So when one of your bestest friends tells you about such a website you think yep, this is what it's come to! Time for an evaluation I think!
So you move to LA - bright lights, big city, sun always shining, career making, red carpet attending, life changing LA!
Hmmmm.
Well the sun is always shining I'll give you that much LA. And my life has definitely changed!
I sleep in a single bed in a room I'm scared to leave * that costs more than my two bedroom City Centre apartment did back home.
I spend hours each day on the bus trying not to inhale or make eye contact with anyone else on there.
I'm trying to get up the courage to do Internet dating ** but anyone who knows me well enough will know it's kind of my idea of hell but it's really hard to meet people here and at the moment the only people I meet are Uber drivers & homeless people. Oh and people who take the bus. Im not dating someone who takes the bus. (Yes I know, I know!)
In between acting jobs I'm walking a dog (and picking up the poo!) and being a nurse for a sick child. I'm actually very good at both of these things but those of you who know the dog ignoring, squeamish, fainting at the drop of a hat me are probably picking yourselves up off the floor right now.
Oh and I'm actually blogging about how good I am at picking up poo!
So this is LA folks and this apparently is 40!
* blog may follow about this if I'm ever brave enough to write it
** blog may follow about this if I'm ever brave enough to a) do it and b) write it
Going La La
My sister has been visiting for the last two weeks so she got to witness first hand the city that has now been my home for the last four months. Thinking about it now I probably should have asked her to do a guest blog (the Scot keeps threatening to do one)
When someone comes to stay it makes you search around for things to do rather than just spend all your spare time finding the best Happy Hours (ok we did that too) It really opened up my eyes to how LA is many cities in one and how it's also a city of extremes (this I probably knew!) I can safely say she won't be getting on a bus for a while and by the end of the two weeks Uber and Lyft's profits have certainly risen.
I do a lot of chatting about the craziness of this city (please see Facebook for how much I love LA, I don't want to boast about my life there and here in case you think I'm having too much of a good time) so it's only fair to point out the good here as well.
When someone comes to stay it makes you search around for things to do rather than just spend all your spare time finding the best Happy Hours (ok we did that too) It really opened up my eyes to how LA is many cities in one and how it's also a city of extremes (this I probably knew!) I can safely say she won't be getting on a bus for a while and by the end of the two weeks Uber and Lyft's profits have certainly risen.
I do a lot of chatting about the craziness of this city (please see Facebook for how much I love LA, I don't want to boast about my life there and here in case you think I'm having too much of a good time) so it's only fair to point out the good here as well.
A guide to things to do in LA if you will, based on the last two weeks.
1 - Experience Shopping LA Stylie
1 - Experience Shopping LA Stylie
Choose Beverly Hills over Baldwin Hills (I'll let you google that) although in Baldwin Hills no one turns their head if you eat at the food court and you might actually find something you can afford (although it will be in Walmart) Statistics tell you that you are more likely to get shot here than in Beverly Hills though. You can't have everything!
2 - Exercise like an LA local (actually that wouldn't be much, there aren't many locals here)
2 - Exercise like an LA local (actually that wouldn't be much, there aren't many locals here)
Well this is LA after all so we hiked from Griffith Park up into the Hollywood Hills. We stopped before (for coffee) during (to eat the Subway sandwiches we took with us) and after (for Happy Hour wine and food) and I'm wondering if that's how we missed Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel who were also hiking up there, probably while we were eating and drinking!
We hired bikes in Venice and tried to ride to Malibu via Santa Monica. Except we got chased off the beach by the security man at the Bel Air Bay Club so couldn't get that far (clearly we weren't posh enough to be on their beach!) and none of us were brave enough to take the bikes on the Pacific Coast Highway especially as the only way you could brake was to peddle backwards. Not ideal!
3 - Be a Culture Vulture
We hired bikes in Venice and tried to ride to Malibu via Santa Monica. Except we got chased off the beach by the security man at the Bel Air Bay Club so couldn't get that far (clearly we weren't posh enough to be on their beach!) and none of us were brave enough to take the bikes on the Pacific Coast Highway especially as the only way you could brake was to peddle backwards. Not ideal!
3 - Be a Culture Vulture
We visited the Getty Villa and joy of joys if you haven't got a car you don't pay to get in. Finally we weren't penalised for not driving. Of course that wasn't the highlight. Honestly!! The highlight was the coffee and cake in the cafe, sorry I mean looking at approximately twenty thousand vases from Ancient Greece and Rome. I have no idea if there are twenty thousand, it seemed that many but I have to admit this place is a haven compared to the craziness of LA and it is really beautiful. Oh and there are things other than vases. There's cups and plates too.
We visited Greystone Manor and Park. Which again is a wonderful escape from the city. Oh except the Manor isn't open to the public and the park isn't really a park. Still gorgeous though and luckily hardly anyone was there (I wonder why) so we had the place to ourselves.
4 - Experience local holidays
Halloween!
'That's not a local holiday!' I hear you say. Oh until you come here and witness it, I disagree! Not only did we get to see the amazing decorations lining the LA streets we also got to be part of the Queen Latifah Show Halloween special. I had booked us tickets to be in the audience only to get an email telling us we had to dress up. An hour and half in Halloween City (yes that's a place, well supposedly a shop but more like a place) and the realisation that I couldn't really justify spending more on a Halloween costume than I do on a month's travel we found K-Mart and luckily a 50% off sale. We were worried about travelling to the show in fancy dress (not on the bus you'll be pleased to know) but instead of being greeted with weird looks and comments people just said 'Happy Halloween' You've got to love this city!
So my sister left this morning and I think she's probably ready for a long lie down. Me? I'm ready for my next visitor? Who's up for it?
Happy Halloween Folks!
One Flew East, One Flew West
Sometimes I think I'm in some sort of virtual Universe or maybe I'm just dreaming. Or maybe it's that thing where it's you that's crazy and not everyone around you!
So me and the Scot are on the bus chatting away - please note he is NOT Scouse so at this point I am talking quite nicely so he can understand everything I say (well at least 95%)
The man opposite, who seems to have his faculties about him and wasn't snorting coke out in the open like on last night's bus (yes we reached a new low people) - 'Where are you from?'
The Scot - 'England' (it's easier. Where he is actually from is a longer conversation, certainly not one for the bus)
The man - 'What language is that you were speaking?'
Me - 'English'
Him - 'But you speak another language in England right?'
Both of us - 'No, just English'
The man - 'But we speak English'
Me - 'Yes but English comes from England'
Him - 'But they told me you speak two languages in England'
The Scot - 'I definitely only speak one language'
The man - 'English? Really? I never knew that'
I swear sometimes I think I'll have to start making up things for this blog but nope I'll just carry on living my life!
So me and the Scot are on the bus chatting away - please note he is NOT Scouse so at this point I am talking quite nicely so he can understand everything I say (well at least 95%)
The man opposite, who seems to have his faculties about him and wasn't snorting coke out in the open like on last night's bus (yes we reached a new low people) - 'Where are you from?'
The Scot - 'England' (it's easier. Where he is actually from is a longer conversation, certainly not one for the bus)
The man - 'What language is that you were speaking?'
Me - 'English'
Him - 'But you speak another language in England right?'
Both of us - 'No, just English'
The man - 'But we speak English'
Me - 'Yes but English comes from England'
Him - 'But they told me you speak two languages in England'
The Scot - 'I definitely only speak one language'
The man - 'English? Really? I never knew that'
I swear sometimes I think I'll have to start making up things for this blog but nope I'll just carry on living my life!
Vacant Position
So I need a plumber. It's not that easy in a new town when you don't know many people so I put an ad on Craig's List (please pronounce this Creg)
'Plumber wanted (must be male, preferably aged 25-35, blondes MAY be considered) Interviews & practical demonstrations will be held commencing next Monday at my house. Please practice your plumbing at home before you arrive and be able to perform without looking at a manual. Please also be aware that you will be expected to show me how good you are at plumbing before you get the job. Therefore please arrive willing to fix part of the broken pipes so I can see your skills. There will be a lot of plumbers at this interview so you may have to wait a while before you can show me your talents. I may also ask you if you can fix the electrics and mow the lawn (please be prepared to demonstrate this) If you are good enough you may get the job and once you have completed the work I will show it to anyone who might be interested in looking at it and I will then decide how much you will be paid. Maybe $100 a day, maybe nothing. Please be prepared for anything. It is likely you will have to do all of this with your shirt off, I'll see what I think on the day. Oh and if you know of anyone who isn't a qualified plumber but would be willing to demonstrate all of the above please pass the details on to them. I'm really excited to see you.'
Soul (Cycling) Searching
Just a few things I have learnt about myself since moving to LA.
I have the words 'It's too hot' in my vocabulary. Who knew?
There's a lot of things I won't do for money. A lot!!! And many more I won't do for free!
The smell of the bakery down by the Albert Dock is actually a more preferable smell on a morning run that the smell of marijuana (even if it is medical)
I'm not as fit as I thought. 10 K? Shmen K! Have you done paddleboat yoga whilst soul cycling through the rocks of Runyon Canyon whilst casually balancing your $10 green smoothie that tastes like stale cabbage because that's what it probably is on your washboard stomach? No? Really??
I like to watch a movie without people clapping all the way through it. I know Denzel is amazing, you know he is amazing, I'm sure he even knows he's amazing but every time he comes on screen? Really? You do know he can't hear you right?
And finally. I really want to type the words - I don't like dogs.......
Ok I have and I haven't been arrested/sectioned/publicly flogged. Before I moved here I used to say 'It's not that I don't like dogs...' Now? Hmmmm. Ok LA peeps (sheep as a lamb right?) this is what I think;
1 - They shouldn't wear shoes. I'm not even justifying this one, they just shouldn't. And certainly not ones more expensive than mine.
2 - They shouldn't sit on the table at a restaurant. I'm not even sure they should sit at a table at a restaurant but seriously if it's rude to put your elbows on the table where does your dog's ass fit on the scale?
3 - When you want to rent an apartment and you haven't got a dog, it's not weird. In fact it's kind of good. For me, you and the dog we haven't got. Think about it!
4 - If I kick your dog in the head because it licked my leg when I didn't even know it was there then you have to deal with that. This may be hard to hear but a) not everyone likes dogs and b) even people who don't hate dogs might not want their leg licked by one!
If you don't get another blog again you'll know why. The Scot did warn me about the perils of voicing my opinion about dogs. Oh hang on isn't that what the first amendment is for? If not, there's always the fifth.
I have the words 'It's too hot' in my vocabulary. Who knew?
There's a lot of things I won't do for money. A lot!!! And many more I won't do for free!
The smell of the bakery down by the Albert Dock is actually a more preferable smell on a morning run that the smell of marijuana (even if it is medical)
I'm not as fit as I thought. 10 K? Shmen K! Have you done paddleboat yoga whilst soul cycling through the rocks of Runyon Canyon whilst casually balancing your $10 green smoothie that tastes like stale cabbage because that's what it probably is on your washboard stomach? No? Really??
I like to watch a movie without people clapping all the way through it. I know Denzel is amazing, you know he is amazing, I'm sure he even knows he's amazing but every time he comes on screen? Really? You do know he can't hear you right?
And finally. I really want to type the words - I don't like dogs.......
Ok I have and I haven't been arrested/sectioned/publicly flogged. Before I moved here I used to say 'It's not that I don't like dogs...' Now? Hmmmm. Ok LA peeps (sheep as a lamb right?) this is what I think;
1 - They shouldn't wear shoes. I'm not even justifying this one, they just shouldn't. And certainly not ones more expensive than mine.
2 - They shouldn't sit on the table at a restaurant. I'm not even sure they should sit at a table at a restaurant but seriously if it's rude to put your elbows on the table where does your dog's ass fit on the scale?
3 - When you want to rent an apartment and you haven't got a dog, it's not weird. In fact it's kind of good. For me, you and the dog we haven't got. Think about it!
4 - If I kick your dog in the head because it licked my leg when I didn't even know it was there then you have to deal with that. This may be hard to hear but a) not everyone likes dogs and b) even people who don't hate dogs might not want their leg licked by one!
If you don't get another blog again you'll know why. The Scot did warn me about the perils of voicing my opinion about dogs. Oh hang on isn't that what the first amendment is for? If not, there's always the fifth.
And Then There's This
As it's Friday I thought I'd do a two for one Happy Hour special.
Please note the following;
This is a game show.
This is for stand ins.
A stand in means you stand in, in place of the contestant while they fix the set etc, you are not part of the show. It's a rehearsal.
There are no words.
| FEMALE CONTESTANT STAND-INS) "Live Presentation - Rehearsals" / Stand-In / Female / All Ethnicities / 21-35 Looking for gals to be stand-ins for our contestants. MUST BE COMFORTABLE WORKING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR! We want personality, people that are going to have fun, be honest, take direction, and be very vocal. Wardrobe: UNDERWEAR Rate: $100/Day Sexual Situations: UNDERWEAR *PLEASE ONLY SUBMIT IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH* |
🎶 I Don't Think You're Ready 🎶
Just a quick one this as the last one was so exhausting (for me and you!)
I was tempted to say to the Scot that as he did so well with the 50 shots of my hands that this is his next photographic job. I'm just not sure I'm up to it (physically or mentally) and I'm sure he isn't either!
[ FEMALE BUTT MODELS ] ($100)
Casting for female butt models to take part in a segment for a * Pilot. This is a 1 day shoot only. No nudity. Looking for models who meet either of the following criteria:
Augmented Butt (must have injections or implants)
Naturally Bootylicious Butt
I was tempted to say to the Scot that as he did so well with the 50 shots of my hands that this is his next photographic job. I'm just not sure I'm up to it (physically or mentally) and I'm sure he isn't either!
[ FEMALE BUTT MODELS ] ($100)
Casting for female butt models to take part in a segment for a * Pilot. This is a 1 day shoot only. No nudity. Looking for models who meet either of the following criteria:
Augmented Butt (must have injections or implants)
Naturally Bootylicious Butt
We're Not in Kansas Anymore.
So the day started with a local Groupon for a Stun Gun and then continued with me literally staring at the same 541 photos of myself over and over again for the next seven hours trying to choose my new head shots and it just made me think how different life has become in the last two months.
(Well actually that strictly isn't true. The day started on the hour every hour from about 5am with the chimes of the new clock that for some reason has been hung outside my bedroom door. It would have started earlier but I've figured out it takes until about the 5th dong to wake me!)
Anyway..... Obviously things are different as this has been the nature of the blog but I don't just mean the specific things that have deserved their own blog page and title, I'm talking about the average day/week I have now compared to the one I had at home.
Monday - get up, walk to Starbucks (not the drive-thru) for a skinny vanilla latte instead of just making a coffee at home myself. Ask the Scot to take pictures of my hands for a nail varnish ad. This practically brought us to lunch time as we did about 50 takes (too wrinkly, I look like I've got no thumb, too high (they don't want my face in) too low (they don't want my crotch in!) then give up and film myself saying 'Hi I'm Suzanne Roche' 50 times instead for a clip to go online with my audition submissions. Somehow the day has gone so we get food delivered from a local restaurant (as you do on a Monday! When you have no job!) and watch reruns of 'Modern Family' on cable (at least that's like being at home)
Tuesday - go to acting class (via Starbucks) where we take part in what is essentially a form of self/group torture filming scripts all day, watching them back and getting 'feedback' from the teacher in front of the group. On the first day we were put into groups of how we would be cast. I was in my own group. Me - 'Oh well at least I'm different here, I'm not skinny and blonde like everyone else' The Scot - 'You're not young either.'
Another day gone, go to bed reminding myself for the hundredth time since being here why I'm actually doing this!
Wednesday - Audition for a role that requires a British woman with 50 other British women (who aren't very friendly) and an Australian woman who tells the group of unfriendly British women that she's not doing RP (standard English) because it sounds stupid.
Receive a phone call from someone asking me to go to a meeting about a role I can't remember applying for in a pizza parlour across the other side of LA. Meet with the producer (a Kanye West look a like who is frequently paid to fly to London to pretend to be Kanye) and an actor who is a Russell Brand look a like and realise once again how I don't actually look like anyone. Still continue to tell myself this is surely a good thing!!!
Go to the Hollywood Bowl for Black Movie Soundtrack night where I get to sit in a box and see/listen to amazing music from the movies sung by Anthony Hamilton, En Vogue, Public Enemy and Maya Rudolph amongst others. Don't even have to pay for the ticket thanks to the generosity of our new found friends and host.
Thursday - acting class again. See Tuesday and imagine some other form of group humiliation to get the idea.
Go and see a free screening of the new Pierce Brosnan film thanks to this being LA and this kind of thing happening all of the time. Sadly disappointed when I remember that America doesn't do sweet popcorn.
Friday - Avoid three calls from the Scientology Celebrity Centre (I kid you not) and go and view two apartments you can barely swing a cat in for twice what my mortgage was at home. Console ourselves with a delicious breakfast which we finally get to eat once we've figured out what type of bread we want (too many to type, some surely aren't even kinds of bread!) and whether we want potatoes, pancakes, fruit, hash browns or salad. Surely it must be bed time! Go to a Greek Festival in South LA organised by Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson where we visit a cathedral, drink terrible wine and eat baklava where the highlight of the week (two months?) so far is watching the Scot do Greek dancing.
Saturday - Spot Alex Kingston at the Farmer's Market in Hollywood. Get even more excited when I spot the Boots concession in Walgreen's. Go and be part of the audience for the game show 'Celebrity Name Game'. Our very own bush tucker trial to earn money to pay for our meal and wine that night. Draw the line at extra whooping and hollering to earn another 20 dollars for being the audience member with the most energy! Go and spend the money on a nice meal where our second 'celebrity' spot of the day was Katie Waissel from X Factor (not that we would have known that but she told us when we were chatting to her because we heard she was English)
Sunday - go to a manager workshop because performing in front of people and asking for feedback all week isn't quite enough. FaceTime with everyone so I can get a bit of reality/home back into my life. Decide to be all LA and go to a local Yoga class for the first time then once again remember where I'm from and get Chinese on the way home.
Another week gone, go to bed reminding myself for the hundredth time since being here how lucky I am.
(Well actually that strictly isn't true. The day started on the hour every hour from about 5am with the chimes of the new clock that for some reason has been hung outside my bedroom door. It would have started earlier but I've figured out it takes until about the 5th dong to wake me!)
Anyway..... Obviously things are different as this has been the nature of the blog but I don't just mean the specific things that have deserved their own blog page and title, I'm talking about the average day/week I have now compared to the one I had at home.
Monday - get up, walk to Starbucks (not the drive-thru) for a skinny vanilla latte instead of just making a coffee at home myself. Ask the Scot to take pictures of my hands for a nail varnish ad. This practically brought us to lunch time as we did about 50 takes (too wrinkly, I look like I've got no thumb, too high (they don't want my face in) too low (they don't want my crotch in!) then give up and film myself saying 'Hi I'm Suzanne Roche' 50 times instead for a clip to go online with my audition submissions. Somehow the day has gone so we get food delivered from a local restaurant (as you do on a Monday! When you have no job!) and watch reruns of 'Modern Family' on cable (at least that's like being at home)
Tuesday - go to acting class (via Starbucks) where we take part in what is essentially a form of self/group torture filming scripts all day, watching them back and getting 'feedback' from the teacher in front of the group. On the first day we were put into groups of how we would be cast. I was in my own group. Me - 'Oh well at least I'm different here, I'm not skinny and blonde like everyone else' The Scot - 'You're not young either.'
Another day gone, go to bed reminding myself for the hundredth time since being here why I'm actually doing this!
Wednesday - Audition for a role that requires a British woman with 50 other British women (who aren't very friendly) and an Australian woman who tells the group of unfriendly British women that she's not doing RP (standard English) because it sounds stupid.
Receive a phone call from someone asking me to go to a meeting about a role I can't remember applying for in a pizza parlour across the other side of LA. Meet with the producer (a Kanye West look a like who is frequently paid to fly to London to pretend to be Kanye) and an actor who is a Russell Brand look a like and realise once again how I don't actually look like anyone. Still continue to tell myself this is surely a good thing!!!
Go to the Hollywood Bowl for Black Movie Soundtrack night where I get to sit in a box and see/listen to amazing music from the movies sung by Anthony Hamilton, En Vogue, Public Enemy and Maya Rudolph amongst others. Don't even have to pay for the ticket thanks to the generosity of our new found friends and host.
Thursday - acting class again. See Tuesday and imagine some other form of group humiliation to get the idea.
Go and see a free screening of the new Pierce Brosnan film thanks to this being LA and this kind of thing happening all of the time. Sadly disappointed when I remember that America doesn't do sweet popcorn.
Friday - Avoid three calls from the Scientology Celebrity Centre (I kid you not) and go and view two apartments you can barely swing a cat in for twice what my mortgage was at home. Console ourselves with a delicious breakfast which we finally get to eat once we've figured out what type of bread we want (too many to type, some surely aren't even kinds of bread!) and whether we want potatoes, pancakes, fruit, hash browns or salad. Surely it must be bed time! Go to a Greek Festival in South LA organised by Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson where we visit a cathedral, drink terrible wine and eat baklava where the highlight of the week (two months?) so far is watching the Scot do Greek dancing.
Saturday - Spot Alex Kingston at the Farmer's Market in Hollywood. Get even more excited when I spot the Boots concession in Walgreen's. Go and be part of the audience for the game show 'Celebrity Name Game'. Our very own bush tucker trial to earn money to pay for our meal and wine that night. Draw the line at extra whooping and hollering to earn another 20 dollars for being the audience member with the most energy! Go and spend the money on a nice meal where our second 'celebrity' spot of the day was Katie Waissel from X Factor (not that we would have known that but she told us when we were chatting to her because we heard she was English)
Sunday - go to a manager workshop because performing in front of people and asking for feedback all week isn't quite enough. FaceTime with everyone so I can get a bit of reality/home back into my life. Decide to be all LA and go to a local Yoga class for the first time then once again remember where I'm from and get Chinese on the way home.
Another week gone, go to bed reminding myself for the hundredth time since being here how lucky I am.
Driving Me Crazy
I'm trying to figure out how different life would be with a car. Apart from the obvious I mean.
With a car I'd turn up to auditions nice and fresh out of the air conditioning, make up still on my face and my hair still straight. I would probably also make acting class as I'd get to the auditions a lot quicker instead of having to head back home in between for more make up and a change of clothes (more to do with the transformation from 'plain suburban pizza eating mom' to 'uptight lawyer getting her groove on to Duke Dumont' than the fact that I've been trekking round in the 100 degree heat!)
With a car I would have all my clothes for my headshot shoot nicely ironed and on hangers in the back rather than turning up laden down with them all inside a Vons bag (the LA equivalent to a Tesco's carrier bag but paper so it looks a bit posher!) all the while hoping that this American has an iron rather than just relying on her tumble dryer!
With a car I'd listen to my music on journeys (maybe even chat to the Scot) rather than having to keep my wits about me on the bus just because you never know what kind of crazy you are going to be faced with next and from what direction!
With a car I'd be able to join in conversations about how I'd found parking, what time my meter was running out and how many tickets I'd had that week because LA people talk about this like we talk about the weather.
With a car I'd be able to go to our local Starbucks after 10pm without being told 'Ma'am we cannot serve you without a car' Seriously!
But where would be the fun in that? Right?
With a car I'd turn up to auditions nice and fresh out of the air conditioning, make up still on my face and my hair still straight. I would probably also make acting class as I'd get to the auditions a lot quicker instead of having to head back home in between for more make up and a change of clothes (more to do with the transformation from 'plain suburban pizza eating mom' to 'uptight lawyer getting her groove on to Duke Dumont' than the fact that I've been trekking round in the 100 degree heat!)
With a car I would have all my clothes for my headshot shoot nicely ironed and on hangers in the back rather than turning up laden down with them all inside a Vons bag (the LA equivalent to a Tesco's carrier bag but paper so it looks a bit posher!) all the while hoping that this American has an iron rather than just relying on her tumble dryer!
With a car I'd listen to my music on journeys (maybe even chat to the Scot) rather than having to keep my wits about me on the bus just because you never know what kind of crazy you are going to be faced with next and from what direction!
With a car I'd be able to join in conversations about how I'd found parking, what time my meter was running out and how many tickets I'd had that week because LA people talk about this like we talk about the weather.
With a car I'd be able to go to our local Starbucks after 10pm without being told 'Ma'am we cannot serve you without a car' Seriously!
But where would be the fun in that? Right?
A Question That Sometimes Drives Me Hazy:
So I was back in the UK for a week to celebrate my birthday and it's so hard explaining to people the differences between there and here and examples of the absolute craziness that is LA. Day to day, hour by hour, minute by minute crazy.
The biggest change home brought was a refurbished Tesco's on Allerton Rd and how crazy white and bright the new lighting was in there. Everything else was pretty much the same as far as I could tell, oh maybe the bus fare had gone up by 10p. But is that just because it's only six weeks since I left? Is it because it's what I've known my whole life and if you were to send someone from LA around for a day they might be doing their own blog about how crazy it all is? Or maybe my levels of what is actually crazy have changed and it takes a lot to top the day to day of here.
The biggest change home brought was a refurbished Tesco's on Allerton Rd and how crazy white and bright the new lighting was in there. Everything else was pretty much the same as far as I could tell, oh maybe the bus fare had gone up by 10p. But is that just because it's only six weeks since I left? Is it because it's what I've known my whole life and if you were to send someone from LA around for a day they might be doing their own blog about how crazy it all is? Or maybe my levels of what is actually crazy have changed and it takes a lot to top the day to day of here.
Remember a few blogs ago when scary was the new normal? Not now. Now crazy is the new normal.
I land at LAX on a direct flight. Usually I go through immigration somewhere on the East Coast and am grilled about my reasons for visiting the country etc etc. Not at LAX. This guy wished me a Happy Birthday and asked for my autograph! I actually had to sign an autograph and explain why it didn't match the name on my passport. Oh and I've ruined TV Court Shows for his poor nan who is going to be amazed that they aren't all real (join the club love!)
I land at LAX on a direct flight. Usually I go through immigration somewhere on the East Coast and am grilled about my reasons for visiting the country etc etc. Not at LAX. This guy wished me a Happy Birthday and asked for my autograph! I actually had to sign an autograph and explain why it didn't match the name on my passport. Oh and I've ruined TV Court Shows for his poor nan who is going to be amazed that they aren't all real (join the club love!)
The funny thing is when I first arrived I was the person buying a bottle of coke and a snickers for a probable homeless man outside CVS. I say probable because by the time I went in to buy it and came back out we think someone different was sat outside and the Scot is convinced I gave them to the wrong person. Someone who wasn't homeless at all but said thanks because they thought I was crazy. This is LA after all. I also gave a man relationship counselling at a bus stop when he was crying because his girlfriend didn't love him any more. So polite. So English.
I spent a week in England and it felt all familiar and cosy and I didn't think I had changed. Then I came back!
The good thing is I know that God and Jesus definitely love me. I was told that a lot on the first day back. Smile, say thank you and move down the bus. Do not be your usual chatty English self.
In the last two days I've seen more body parts of strangers than I ever have seen builders bums in England. I've seen a man dressed as Aladdin with a pair of swimming goggles over his turban. There was a woman on the train letting a dog (a stranger's dog at that!) do things to her that are bordering on illegal in most countries (bear in mind I wouldn't even let the dog we were minding eat our turkey bacon!) Oh and there was the man on a bike riding down Hollywood Boulevard carrying a goldfish in a bowl.
All in a day's work.
Then a man at a bus stop asked if he could share my water. He was probably homeless. He definitely needed the water more than me. I said no. I didn't even give him the bottle. I said 'No, sorry I need it'
Maybe God and Jesus loved me a little less after that.
Take Two. This Time Be British, I Mean American, I Mean taller.
I'm pleased to say I've booked my first two acting jobs since being in LA. The first one was a 'Sizzler' - kind of like a pilot that gets sent to TV Studios and Film companies to spark interest. I auditioned with an American accent and even did the chat with the director in an American accent (I just said uhu a lot!) so the good news is they thought I was American. Then I got the job and they still thought I was American! They probably realised I wasn't when I got the call sheet at one am the night before telling me I had to be 70 miles North of LA by ten the next morning which of course was a Sunday (a lot less public transport) and I had to tell them I don't have a car! Stress number one.
Stress number two was using that stupid phone to try and organise a lift. The lovely producer man on the other end kept shouting at me to drive to Whole Foods near the 405 and meet him there. The 405 is a freeway. People new to LA without a car don't really know where freeways are. People without a car also can't drive to the nearest freeway. By the time the phone had cut out for the third time and I called him back I think he knew I was British when I shouted 'If I had a car I wouldn't need a lift!' (actually maybe I said 'ride') I can't cope with all that and be American at the same time!
So I turned up as British. One of the girls said I sounded like "that one from 'The Parent Trap'" (I don't think she meant Lindsay Lohan!) Cue the director - 'Ooh great we'll do one take in American and one in British'. All very flattering but not that easy. I didn't know if I was coming or going, well my vowels didn't that's for sure! Anyway first job done, I had a great day and luckily managed to get a lift back home to the door. It's probably time to get a car!
Job number two. ****Spoiler Alert**** Just in case you switch your TV on in the near future and see me in front of a Judge on a televised court case, panic ye not. I am not about to be deported. Nor have I actually forgotten I'm British and decided to sue someone at the drop of a hat. Those shows aren't real!! Who knew? Well not me anyway until I auditioned for one.
This was a great job. I was the plaintiff, I got to sue someone for feeding my vegan son meat and I even said 'burger' to the Judge in my accent on TV. You'll have to watch to see his reaction to that! It was a bit scary though (not the accent, the job. Well actually maybe the accent too!) No retakes, they just roll the camera and although you get story and character background it's all improvised. There's a bailiff and everything. Oh actually I lied. There was one retake, when I entered the court room and hit my mark perfectly except they didn't realise I'm not exactly tall and the camera was too high. That was a highlight, along with having to stand on a box for the final comments after the Judge has reached his decision at the end of the show (a bit like when contestants are kicked off 'The Weakest Link')
The decision? Coming soon on KCAL9!
Stress number two was using that stupid phone to try and organise a lift. The lovely producer man on the other end kept shouting at me to drive to Whole Foods near the 405 and meet him there. The 405 is a freeway. People new to LA without a car don't really know where freeways are. People without a car also can't drive to the nearest freeway. By the time the phone had cut out for the third time and I called him back I think he knew I was British when I shouted 'If I had a car I wouldn't need a lift!' (actually maybe I said 'ride') I can't cope with all that and be American at the same time!
So I turned up as British. One of the girls said I sounded like "that one from 'The Parent Trap'" (I don't think she meant Lindsay Lohan!) Cue the director - 'Ooh great we'll do one take in American and one in British'. All very flattering but not that easy. I didn't know if I was coming or going, well my vowels didn't that's for sure! Anyway first job done, I had a great day and luckily managed to get a lift back home to the door. It's probably time to get a car!
Job number two. ****Spoiler Alert**** Just in case you switch your TV on in the near future and see me in front of a Judge on a televised court case, panic ye not. I am not about to be deported. Nor have I actually forgotten I'm British and decided to sue someone at the drop of a hat. Those shows aren't real!! Who knew? Well not me anyway until I auditioned for one.
This was a great job. I was the plaintiff, I got to sue someone for feeding my vegan son meat and I even said 'burger' to the Judge in my accent on TV. You'll have to watch to see his reaction to that! It was a bit scary though (not the accent, the job. Well actually maybe the accent too!) No retakes, they just roll the camera and although you get story and character background it's all improvised. There's a bailiff and everything. Oh actually I lied. There was one retake, when I entered the court room and hit my mark perfectly except they didn't realise I'm not exactly tall and the camera was too high. That was a highlight, along with having to stand on a box for the final comments after the Judge has reached his decision at the end of the show (a bit like when contestants are kicked off 'The Weakest Link')
The decision? Coming soon on KCAL9!
What Did Katie Do Next?
Sorry for the delay in posting. I haven't walked off the edge of the canyon, been eaten by a skunk or held captive by a cult. Oh hang on.......
So you move to a new country and it's all about embracing the unknown, setting yourself new challenges and trying out new things (except the naked tree branch thing) Isn't it? Hmm wasn't my last blog about drawing a line?
We saw a post about a free Actors Seminar at the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre so we thought surely this acting coach is just renting a room there, right? Wrong! I didn't actually give it much thought before we went (oh how silly of me!) I asked The Scot if we were likely to see Madonna and if I would get a free bracelet. Apparently not!
The building was lovely, possibly funded by the Celebrities mentioned in the name of the organisation. The seminar was fine, stuff we probably already knew but good to make more contacts in the business. Then in came Derek (his name has been changed to protect me from a law suit. They do that here. A lot!) It was Derek's job to get people to sign up for courses. He was clever. He stuck to the acting theme and went round the room asking people what was stopping them from reaching their full potential. Everyone in the room shared (well everyone that wasn't the two Brits who don't really do this kind of sharing!) A Scientology course was recommended to them based on their 'needs'. Derek wasn't letting us get away with it. We had to share with just him at the end and we were both advised what courses to do. We were still in the spirit of trying all things new so we signed up to a course each which was fairly cheap but we paid none the less.
So you move to a new country and it's all about embracing the unknown, setting yourself new challenges and trying out new things (except the naked tree branch thing) Isn't it? Hmm wasn't my last blog about drawing a line?
We saw a post about a free Actors Seminar at the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre so we thought surely this acting coach is just renting a room there, right? Wrong! I didn't actually give it much thought before we went (oh how silly of me!) I asked The Scot if we were likely to see Madonna and if I would get a free bracelet. Apparently not!
The building was lovely, possibly funded by the Celebrities mentioned in the name of the organisation. The seminar was fine, stuff we probably already knew but good to make more contacts in the business. Then in came Derek (his name has been changed to protect me from a law suit. They do that here. A lot!) It was Derek's job to get people to sign up for courses. He was clever. He stuck to the acting theme and went round the room asking people what was stopping them from reaching their full potential. Everyone in the room shared (well everyone that wasn't the two Brits who don't really do this kind of sharing!) A Scientology course was recommended to them based on their 'needs'. Derek wasn't letting us get away with it. We had to share with just him at the end and we were both advised what courses to do. We were still in the spirit of trying all things new so we signed up to a course each which was fairly cheap but we paid none the less.
Mine was a business course so I thought oh this will be fine, it's just like doing a course at the Community College but maybe Tom Cruise will stop by. Wrong again! On both counts!
The course itself would probably have been ok (well maybe if it had been at Mabel Fletcher) Despite how nice the building was you weren't really allowed to do anything. You couldn't have water in the room, you couldn't have your phone, you couldn't talk and fun was definitely out of the question. All big problems for me. If you're not allowed to make a sound during childbirth you're certainly not allowed to speak to your friend just for the sheer fun of it. My course took two afternoons. The first one was ok. The Scot came with me and we got through it. The second time I went on my own. Oh how foolish. I was told off a lot that day! One time because I was 45 seconds late back after the break.
Enough was enough! I finished the course and tried to leave. That was at ten to six. I was still there at eight o'clock. Apparently the experience for people is usually so great that they sign up to the next course straight away. I didn't. I clearly needed help. Those two hours were spent in a series of rooms with different people telling me why I needed to do another course.
Me - 'I don't have time, I need to be able to access my phone/email for acting jobs. You won't let me do that'
Scientology Person (Sp) - 'We have a course for time management' (reaches for book off shelf)
Me - 'I know how to do it, you just need to let me leave so I actually can do it'
Next room, after they ran the results of the personality test I filled in (why oh why?)
Sp- 'Your chart shows you are terrible at all relationships, they are showing as critical on the graph. You must do this relationships course next'
Me - 'I'm not terrible at relationships. I have a great family and great friends. I disagree'
Sp - 'The results of your personality test show that you will disagree with the results of your personality test'
You get the point. This went on for two whole hours and of course I could have walked out the door at any time but I didn't want to be rude. I was finally 'allowed' to leave after being reminded that the Celebrity Centre was probably the only place in LA where you could go and people wanted nothing from you other than to help you. I politely reminded him 'I PAID FOR THIS COURSE!'
They've been in touch a lot since. Texts, calls, emails. The Scot didn't go back after hearing my horror story so I think they've given up on him. They've clearly seen something in me that needs fixing. I've learnt my lesson, I won't be going back.
Which way did Madge go?
Drawing a Line
in big black marker!
So there's a danger when you arrive in a new town where you're not used to auditioning and you really really want to get your first job and you're not quite established yet so you can't just walk onto the set of Ray Donovan so anything you can get on your CV (resumé) must be good right? Right?
So there's the Reality TV/Embarrassing Bodies ones, except this is LA so they read something similar to this (otherwise known as exactly this!) - 'Does the skin on your outer thighs sag? Share your stories with us for a chance to rid yourself of your saddle bags for good' 'Do you love Botox and Fillers? Have they made you the beauty you are today?'
Then there's the ones where you're just not sure what they want - 'Should be a really attractive model but have a big nose and small mouth or big eyes and small nose' 'Must have pale or sun tanned skin' 'No experience necessary however the more experience you have the better'
Then there's the ones where you have a good idea of what they want even though they are not quite saying it - 'Topless on the floor in an empty apartment. Face will NOT be shown and you will be used again as another character later on in the series' 'Must be legal'
And then there's the impossible (I think!) - 'We are looking for an enchanting Dryad (aka a Tree Nymph) who is captivating, lovely and graceful! You must be comfortable with sitting on a tree branch while totally captivating people/the camera with your line delivery and timing'
Where do you even start? And in a town like this you know there's an enchanting Dryad with fillers who is more than happy to lie topless on the floor whether you show her face or not and you can definitely show her thighs as they won't be sagging.
Me? I'm off to find a branch to practice on.
Reaching
and reaching and reaching and reaching.
Communication is a funny thing. I'm not just talking about the whole accent thing again but communication in general. Not only are we faced with communicating with people in a different country (although believe it or not we speak the same language!) but people in 'the industry' too. So not only is everyone 'super busy' and 'super important' they also don't communicate like we do. Forget the niceties. Don't ask people how they are. Don't say please but say thank you (a lot) and say you're welcome (a lot) and heaven forbid because you're from Liverpool you say 'Are you alright?' as some sort of greeting. That will be met with either confusion or a questioning as to why you don't think they look alright. It's tough. Getting through the day communicating with people here is tough.
The chances are by the time you've done your greeting on an email to the agent/casting director/industry person you are writing to and then asked them how they are they've already deleted it. I'm not sure if it's easier on the phone. I might have more of an idea if we had better phones. We can't get a contract as we have no social security number or credit history yet so we got monthly ones. The cheapest ones. Big mistake. Turns out no one can call us on them. Or is that because we are in the Canyon with no signal. Oh hang on we can call each other. In the Canyon. On the crappy phones. So me and the Scot spend most of the time calling each other to check our phones are working. They are!
And ok we don't know that many people here yet who could call us but we know a few. People who keep telling us to 'reach out to them' when we're in town and they'll meet up with us for a coffee or a hike or a juice (no one wants to get bevvies during Happy Hour sadly) Well we're in town. We're reaching out. Can anyone hear my phone ringing? Dammit you silly Scot stop calling me.
Communication is a funny thing. I'm not just talking about the whole accent thing again but communication in general. Not only are we faced with communicating with people in a different country (although believe it or not we speak the same language!) but people in 'the industry' too. So not only is everyone 'super busy' and 'super important' they also don't communicate like we do. Forget the niceties. Don't ask people how they are. Don't say please but say thank you (a lot) and say you're welcome (a lot) and heaven forbid because you're from Liverpool you say 'Are you alright?' as some sort of greeting. That will be met with either confusion or a questioning as to why you don't think they look alright. It's tough. Getting through the day communicating with people here is tough.
The chances are by the time you've done your greeting on an email to the agent/casting director/industry person you are writing to and then asked them how they are they've already deleted it. I'm not sure if it's easier on the phone. I might have more of an idea if we had better phones. We can't get a contract as we have no social security number or credit history yet so we got monthly ones. The cheapest ones. Big mistake. Turns out no one can call us on them. Or is that because we are in the Canyon with no signal. Oh hang on we can call each other. In the Canyon. On the crappy phones. So me and the Scot spend most of the time calling each other to check our phones are working. They are!
And ok we don't know that many people here yet who could call us but we know a few. People who keep telling us to 'reach out to them' when we're in town and they'll meet up with us for a coffee or a hike or a juice (no one wants to get bevvies during Happy Hour sadly) Well we're in town. We're reaching out. Can anyone hear my phone ringing? Dammit you silly Scot stop calling me.
Scary Is the New Normal
'Try to do something that scares you every day.' Sage words of advice from my best friend today.
I think I'm off the scale!
I think I'm off the scale!
Move to a city where the animals are on Prozac never mind the people - tick!
Spend a night thinking what would be the worst thing for the mail man to find the next day: a dead dog, a dead skunk or a dead me - tick!
'Run' up and down the vertical, winding hills of Laurel Canyon (Dear Mr SUV Driver I would prefer to be on the sidewalk too. THERE AREN'T ANY!) - tick!
Go shopping for dog poo bags. Actually no tick here. I couldn't find them and I couldn't bring myself to ask. Still a scary thought though. Nice little job for the Scot upon his return.
Anyway I don't think that's really what she had in mind so last night I took myself to the other side of town on the bus (well 2 buses and no that wasn't the scary thing) I went to my first Agent workshop.
Now back home I'm a pro at this sort of thing but here I had no idea what to expect. She was a commercial agent so I had to prepare a commercial (advert) and the format was a Q&A with the whole group and then a one on one audition. Thankfully the agent lady was lovely and the experience, although scary, did me good.
When I was waiting in the room with people half my age who were overwhelmed because they had moved all the way from Sacramento and they were getting old now because they were 21 and were they going to find another Hollister to transfer their part time job to I had to remind myself that actually I've been in similar situations back home, it's no different out here. Maybe I'm a bit different to the norm out here but different is good, scary is good.
So today I applied for a theatre job and now I have my first audition lined up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll buy those poo bags!
'Run' up and down the vertical, winding hills of Laurel Canyon (Dear Mr SUV Driver I would prefer to be on the sidewalk too. THERE AREN'T ANY!) - tick!
Go shopping for dog poo bags. Actually no tick here. I couldn't find them and I couldn't bring myself to ask. Still a scary thought though. Nice little job for the Scot upon his return.
Anyway I don't think that's really what she had in mind so last night I took myself to the other side of town on the bus (well 2 buses and no that wasn't the scary thing) I went to my first Agent workshop.
Now back home I'm a pro at this sort of thing but here I had no idea what to expect. She was a commercial agent so I had to prepare a commercial (advert) and the format was a Q&A with the whole group and then a one on one audition. Thankfully the agent lady was lovely and the experience, although scary, did me good.
When I was waiting in the room with people half my age who were overwhelmed because they had moved all the way from Sacramento and they were getting old now because they were 21 and were they going to find another Hollister to transfer their part time job to I had to remind myself that actually I've been in similar situations back home, it's no different out here. Maybe I'm a bit different to the norm out here but different is good, scary is good.
So today I applied for a theatre job and now I have my first audition lined up.
Maybe tomorrow I'll buy those poo bags!
What Do You Get When You Cross a German Shepherd, a Corgi, a Scouser and a Skunk?
A fresh kind of hell that's what!
So some of my friends think it's hilarious that I'm now a pet sitter and fair enough I've never had a dog as an actual friend and Billy (the family dog) dying on my birthday may have been him trying to prove a point but I'm hardly Cruella de Vil! I'm just not one of those people that like dogs licking their face and I think feeding them human food is a waste of money (and food!) Until now!
This dog actually hates me and the more she plays hard to get the more I'm actually trying to be her friend. To be fair (to me) she is timid and pretty much scared of her own shadow and she doesn't love my friend (who I'm going to call the Scot from now on) but I don't think she actually hates him. Me? A different matter. I've tried everything. I've given her hob nobs and turkey bacon. That's a big deal for me! She loves them, eats them and carries on hating me.
Last night me and this dog were home alone as the Scot was away. She likes being outside all day but comes in of a night. Until last night. Could I get her to come in? All the hob nobs and turkey bacon in the world were not bringing her in and then I stumbled upon my next problem. The skunk on the porch. An actual skunk. Barricading the way between me and the dog. If you ask me she called for reinforcements. She has friends in these hills. So the next hour was spent with me calling the dog to come in, trying to open the door to get her in and not let the skunk in at the same time who was happily on the porch eating the cat food right outside the door (yes there's cats as well!) I did think at one point maybe I should leave, check in to a hotel and let the animals take over the house. I couldn't decide if I was being secretly auditioned for some sort of Punk'd type show or Disney!
So we got through the night me, my dog and my skunk. I don't think the dog loves me any more this morning and there's no sign of the skunk. I'm not giving up. I'm going to win this dog over. I might even let her lick my face if she ever comes close enough.
So some of my friends think it's hilarious that I'm now a pet sitter and fair enough I've never had a dog as an actual friend and Billy (the family dog) dying on my birthday may have been him trying to prove a point but I'm hardly Cruella de Vil! I'm just not one of those people that like dogs licking their face and I think feeding them human food is a waste of money (and food!) Until now!
This dog actually hates me and the more she plays hard to get the more I'm actually trying to be her friend. To be fair (to me) she is timid and pretty much scared of her own shadow and she doesn't love my friend (who I'm going to call the Scot from now on) but I don't think she actually hates him. Me? A different matter. I've tried everything. I've given her hob nobs and turkey bacon. That's a big deal for me! She loves them, eats them and carries on hating me.
Last night me and this dog were home alone as the Scot was away. She likes being outside all day but comes in of a night. Until last night. Could I get her to come in? All the hob nobs and turkey bacon in the world were not bringing her in and then I stumbled upon my next problem. The skunk on the porch. An actual skunk. Barricading the way between me and the dog. If you ask me she called for reinforcements. She has friends in these hills. So the next hour was spent with me calling the dog to come in, trying to open the door to get her in and not let the skunk in at the same time who was happily on the porch eating the cat food right outside the door (yes there's cats as well!) I did think at one point maybe I should leave, check in to a hotel and let the animals take over the house. I couldn't decide if I was being secretly auditioned for some sort of Punk'd type show or Disney!
So we got through the night me, my dog and my skunk. I don't think the dog loves me any more this morning and there's no sign of the skunk. I'm not giving up. I'm going to win this dog over. I might even let her lick my face if she ever comes close enough.
Senior Moments
Oh this city! People come here and lie about their age all the time - the need to stay young and beautiful. So what's young in LA? Hmmmm about 17 I reckon, then it's all over. Today's revelations? A casting for an 'elderly, fatherly type actor, aged 40-60' Seriously?? Ok so this is LA and that's just in the acting world right? Wrong. Check this out!
Fake id and Botox anyone?
Fake id and Botox anyone?
Let's Call the Whole Thing Off
So there's American and there's English and then there's Scouse! I haven't got a particularly strong accent so why do some people find it difficult to understand me? Ok so my well travelled friend who is British Caribbean (how are you going to pronounce that?!) speaks so well he probably makes me sound as common as muck but I do change my accent out here, I mean it's my job after all! Mostly I get it. If I want to order frozen yogurt I can't say yogit (Scouse) or even yogert (Standard English) as it is a different word and I'm all for 'When in Rome'. Butter is another one. It needs to be budder (I can't even type the Scouse equivalent!) But water? Water? Dear American friends, I'm in a bar or restaurant and I'm asking for water what else can it be??? Oh and just for the record no one can understand the posh island dweller when he orders that either!
Walking
and walking and walking and walking.
So apparently no one walks in LA. Well that's what they say. 'We're British,' we said. 'We walk.' So we walked. And walked. And walked. Harold Fry had nothing on us. We walked down Laurel Canyon to get coffee (please can someone build some pavements/sidewalks so no one dies. Well no one British. Or stupid!) We walked to West Hollywood to get breakfast (WeHo when you're in the know i.e. us from now on) We walked to the social security office in Hollywood (which was closed because we had been walking for three hours!) Then we walked back. Actually we crawled part of the way. Because we live in the hills. And we're British. And stupid.
So apparently no one walks in LA. Well that's what they say. 'We're British,' we said. 'We walk.' So we walked. And walked. And walked. Harold Fry had nothing on us. We walked down Laurel Canyon to get coffee (please can someone build some pavements/sidewalks so no one dies. Well no one British. Or stupid!) We walked to West Hollywood to get breakfast (WeHo when you're in the know i.e. us from now on) We walked to the social security office in Hollywood (which was closed because we had been walking for three hours!) Then we walked back. Actually we crawled part of the way. Because we live in the hills. And we're British. And stupid.
Arrived! With a Bang.......
Literally!
So we did it, we finally did it. After two years of stress, money loss and dealing with less than salubrious characters on the road to the visa we met at LAX. How excited (& jet lagged) we were. 'Let's treat ourselves,' we said. 'Let's not get a cheap shared ride which will circuit the airport for an hour before going anywhere. Let's get a cab!' So we did. A 70 dollar cab ride. A cab which sped through the exciting, new to us, streets of LA. A cab which sped and smashed right into the side of another car outside the Beverly Centre (Center?) A cab driver who left us in the back of the smashed up cab for 40 minutes then sped once again through the now less exciting more scary streets of LA to finish the fare and took the full $70 from us. Welcome to LA!
Oh btw, we were fine! Thanks for asking :)
So we did it, we finally did it. After two years of stress, money loss and dealing with less than salubrious characters on the road to the visa we met at LAX. How excited (& jet lagged) we were. 'Let's treat ourselves,' we said. 'Let's not get a cheap shared ride which will circuit the airport for an hour before going anywhere. Let's get a cab!' So we did. A 70 dollar cab ride. A cab which sped through the exciting, new to us, streets of LA. A cab which sped and smashed right into the side of another car outside the Beverly Centre (Center?) A cab driver who left us in the back of the smashed up cab for 40 minutes then sped once again through the now less exciting more scary streets of LA to finish the fare and took the full $70 from us. Welcome to LA!
Oh btw, we were fine! Thanks for asking :)
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