So you move to a new country and it's all about embracing the unknown, setting yourself new challenges and trying out new things (except the naked tree branch thing) Isn't it? Hmm wasn't my last blog about drawing a line?
We saw a post about a free Actors Seminar at the Church of Scientology Celebrity Centre so we thought surely this acting coach is just renting a room there, right? Wrong! I didn't actually give it much thought before we went (oh how silly of me!) I asked The Scot if we were likely to see Madonna and if I would get a free bracelet. Apparently not!
The building was lovely, possibly funded by the Celebrities mentioned in the name of the organisation. The seminar was fine, stuff we probably already knew but good to make more contacts in the business. Then in came Derek (his name has been changed to protect me from a law suit. They do that here. A lot!) It was Derek's job to get people to sign up for courses. He was clever. He stuck to the acting theme and went round the room asking people what was stopping them from reaching their full potential. Everyone in the room shared (well everyone that wasn't the two Brits who don't really do this kind of sharing!) A Scientology course was recommended to them based on their 'needs'. Derek wasn't letting us get away with it. We had to share with just him at the end and we were both advised what courses to do. We were still in the spirit of trying all things new so we signed up to a course each which was fairly cheap but we paid none the less.
Mine was a business course so I thought oh this will be fine, it's just like doing a course at the Community College but maybe Tom Cruise will stop by. Wrong again! On both counts!
The course itself would probably have been ok (well maybe if it had been at Mabel Fletcher) Despite how nice the building was you weren't really allowed to do anything. You couldn't have water in the room, you couldn't have your phone, you couldn't talk and fun was definitely out of the question. All big problems for me. If you're not allowed to make a sound during childbirth you're certainly not allowed to speak to your friend just for the sheer fun of it. My course took two afternoons. The first one was ok. The Scot came with me and we got through it. The second time I went on my own. Oh how foolish. I was told off a lot that day! One time because I was 45 seconds late back after the break.
Enough was enough! I finished the course and tried to leave. That was at ten to six. I was still there at eight o'clock. Apparently the experience for people is usually so great that they sign up to the next course straight away. I didn't. I clearly needed help. Those two hours were spent in a series of rooms with different people telling me why I needed to do another course.
Me - 'I don't have time, I need to be able to access my phone/email for acting jobs. You won't let me do that'
Scientology Person (Sp) - 'We have a course for time management' (reaches for book off shelf)
Me - 'I know how to do it, you just need to let me leave so I actually can do it'
Next room, after they ran the results of the personality test I filled in (why oh why?)
Sp- 'Your chart shows you are terrible at all relationships, they are showing as critical on the graph. You must do this relationships course next'
Me - 'I'm not terrible at relationships. I have a great family and great friends. I disagree'
Sp - 'The results of your personality test show that you will disagree with the results of your personality test'
You get the point. This went on for two whole hours and of course I could have walked out the door at any time but I didn't want to be rude. I was finally 'allowed' to leave after being reminded that the Celebrity Centre was probably the only place in LA where you could go and people wanted nothing from you other than to help you. I politely reminded him 'I PAID FOR THIS COURSE!'
They've been in touch a lot since. Texts, calls, emails. The Scot didn't go back after hearing my horror story so I think they've given up on him. They've clearly seen something in me that needs fixing. I've learnt my lesson, I won't be going back.
Which way did Madge go?
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