Just a few things I have learnt about myself since moving to LA.
I have the words 'It's too hot' in my vocabulary. Who knew?
There's a lot of things I won't do for money. A lot!!! And many more I won't do for free!
The smell of the bakery down by the Albert Dock is actually a more preferable smell on a morning run that the smell of marijuana (even if it is medical)
I'm not as fit as I thought. 10 K? Shmen K! Have you done paddleboat yoga whilst soul cycling through the rocks of Runyon Canyon whilst casually balancing your $10 green smoothie that tastes like stale cabbage because that's what it probably is on your washboard stomach? No? Really??
I like to watch a movie without people clapping all the way through it. I know Denzel is amazing, you know he is amazing, I'm sure he even knows he's amazing but every time he comes on screen? Really? You do know he can't hear you right?
And finally. I really want to type the words - I don't like dogs.......
Ok I have and I haven't been arrested/sectioned/publicly flogged. Before I moved here I used to say 'It's not that I don't like dogs...' Now? Hmmmm. Ok LA peeps (sheep as a lamb right?) this is what I think;
1 - They shouldn't wear shoes. I'm not even justifying this one, they just shouldn't. And certainly not ones more expensive than mine.
2 - They shouldn't sit on the table at a restaurant. I'm not even sure they should sit at a table at a restaurant but seriously if it's rude to put your elbows on the table where does your dog's ass fit on the scale?
3 - When you want to rent an apartment and you haven't got a dog, it's not weird. In fact it's kind of good. For me, you and the dog we haven't got. Think about it!
4 - If I kick your dog in the head because it licked my leg when I didn't even know it was there then you have to deal with that. This may be hard to hear but a) not everyone likes dogs and b) even people who don't hate dogs might not want their leg licked by one!
If you don't get another blog again you'll know why. The Scot did warn me about the perils of voicing my opinion about dogs. Oh hang on isn't that what the first amendment is for? If not, there's always the fifth.
I have the words 'It's too hot' in my vocabulary. Who knew?
There's a lot of things I won't do for money. A lot!!! And many more I won't do for free!
The smell of the bakery down by the Albert Dock is actually a more preferable smell on a morning run that the smell of marijuana (even if it is medical)
I'm not as fit as I thought. 10 K? Shmen K! Have you done paddleboat yoga whilst soul cycling through the rocks of Runyon Canyon whilst casually balancing your $10 green smoothie that tastes like stale cabbage because that's what it probably is on your washboard stomach? No? Really??
I like to watch a movie without people clapping all the way through it. I know Denzel is amazing, you know he is amazing, I'm sure he even knows he's amazing but every time he comes on screen? Really? You do know he can't hear you right?
And finally. I really want to type the words - I don't like dogs.......
Ok I have and I haven't been arrested/sectioned/publicly flogged. Before I moved here I used to say 'It's not that I don't like dogs...' Now? Hmmmm. Ok LA peeps (sheep as a lamb right?) this is what I think;
1 - They shouldn't wear shoes. I'm not even justifying this one, they just shouldn't. And certainly not ones more expensive than mine.
2 - They shouldn't sit on the table at a restaurant. I'm not even sure they should sit at a table at a restaurant but seriously if it's rude to put your elbows on the table where does your dog's ass fit on the scale?
3 - When you want to rent an apartment and you haven't got a dog, it's not weird. In fact it's kind of good. For me, you and the dog we haven't got. Think about it!
4 - If I kick your dog in the head because it licked my leg when I didn't even know it was there then you have to deal with that. This may be hard to hear but a) not everyone likes dogs and b) even people who don't hate dogs might not want their leg licked by one!
If you don't get another blog again you'll know why. The Scot did warn me about the perils of voicing my opinion about dogs. Oh hang on isn't that what the first amendment is for? If not, there's always the fifth.
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