A Dog's Life

If I am currently looking after your dog, please stop reading now.

Ok, I think it’s safe to proceed. I am currently looking after a dog. I love him and he loves me, let’s get that out there first. I am nice to the dog. I chat to him all of the time, like a human. But….. 7 days into looking after this animal I have just had a serious conversation with myself where I was trying to decide whether I hate pet sitting more or less than going to the dentist. Less. Ok, so what do I really hate doing that I would rather be doing than looking after a dog? Having my lady parts poked at (in a medical sense of course!!) I would rather be doing that than looking after this cute, gorgeous dog, who is my most favourite dog in the world. I think I only know about three dogs, but still.

I’m sure I’m about to lose friends, and possibly be exiled from LA for this, but here we go…..I just don’t get it. I don’t get why it’s a thing that people want to do. At least if you have kids you can cuddle them without having to wash your hands afterwards (hopefully).

This dog is so easy too, he doesn’t jump up on me, he sleeps most of the day, he also sleeps through the night, so I am trying to figure out what my problem is. 

I JUST DON’T LIKE IT. 

I don’t like that the first thing I have to do when I get up is feed him and then walk him. I’d like to tell you it’s good exercise but he’s old and can’t walk very fast, so it’s kind of like walking on the spot. And because he’s old, his back legs aren’t strong so he can’t stay still for long enough to do his business in the one place. He stumbles off while he is doing it, and he lives on a hill, so mostly I am outside, walking on the spot for twenty minutes waiting for him to do it, then chasing it down the hill when he does. The other night he did it in his bed and I actually thought, ‘Oh well, at least that will cut the walk down by half and I won’t have to chase poo down a hill this morning.’ I also have to carry him down the stairs. I have never carried a dog anywhere before. Now I understand why the people here talk about what their dogs weigh. 

He also hates ‘Love Island’, he’s American, so he probably doesn’t get the banter. Let’s hope his owner does! 

Facing up to It

I had some new headshots done this week. I hate them. I knew I was going to hate them once my hair and make up were done. I think the only Scouser she’d heard of before me was The Vivienne (not really, but you get my point, and if you don’t then google it) I'm sure it didn’t help that I haven’t really been anywhere for the best part of a year, never mind wear a ton of make up and have someone repeatedly touch my face in the process!! I also wear a mask a lot so maybe I’d forgotten what I look like. I kind of got into it though. I fell into the trap of believing what these Millennials were telling me about how good I looked. Having to stare at 533 over made up versions of my screen sized face soon brought me back to earth. I also just spelt Millennial wrong, which probably tells you everything you need to know about this whole thing!

I cried when I saw them. Then I had this realisation. What if I don’t hate my headshots? What if I just hate my face? I decided to move home. I’m not kidding. What’s the point? This is the worst industry, in the worst place in the world to live if you hate your face. I’ll definitely move home, I thought, I’m going to pack up, and take my old wrinkly face back home. Until I remembered I’ve just signed a three-year lease on a new car. I cried some more. Getting out of a car lease here is more impossible than getting out of a gym membership. And in three years time when the lease is up we will have been here for ten years and OH MY GOD WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE? So yes 2021 is going really well. I told the Scot. His words of wisdom? ‘If you move home you’ll still have your old face.’ He's not wrong. I was about to ask if it's 2022 yet but, god knows what my face will look like by then!