I don't know how to deal with it. I've asked it to leave. I've even opened the balcony door in the hope that it will. I thought about putting the cat in there but then I'd have to close the balcony door or the cat would escape and be eaten by coyotes! If I close the balcony door the cat will eat the lizard! Something will have to die so I don't have to live with a lizard. I thought the cat had already eaten a lizard when I saw her before, the Scot tells me that was fur balls (it didn't remotely resemble a ball once she was done!) This is the day I'm having. If I leave that balcony door open for much longer my room will be like the LA Zoo. Or a miniature Jurassic Park. Ooh I'm off to knock for Chris Pratt. He'll know what to do.
From Liverpool to LA. Should be easy, right?
Lizards, Coyotes and Cats! Oh My!
I really like where we live now. This is the fifth place we've lived since we've been here and I really like it. It's an oasis of calm, an escape from the crazy city of LA. In the last place we lived (if you looked at the 'right' time) the view was of the ladies of the night. Yesterday I sat out with a book and watched a deer running down the hill behind Chris Pratt's house. Deers are fine (from a distance) lizards are not. There is one in my bedroom. Right now. I think it's moved in. I'm home alone. During the fifteen minute Mexican standoff I text the Scot - 'Can you talk? SOS' He called me back. An hour and a half later. During that time I thought he probably wouldn't be very good at helping anyway, I've seen him with insects and he's a wuss. However, apparently growing up in the Cayman Islands makes you an expert in dealing with lizards - 'Just deal with it, otherwise we will lose it and it will become a house lizard and we will never know where it is! I thought it was a real emergency!' An hour and a half!!
Going To the Dogs
So I arrived home tonight to find a valet at the end of the drive asking if I'd like him to park my car!? It turns out next door are having a house party so why wouldn't you have valet parking? This is just one of the weird and wonderful things about living here that I'm not sure I'll ever get used to. Here are a few more. Actually forget wonderful, most are just weird!
- there never seems to be a house number 1. Ever! I live in 2680. The road is about half a mile long and all of the houses are quite detached from each other.
- you cannot buy wine at Trader Joes using a driving licence as id unless it's from California (the driving licence, not the wine. Neither would surprise me.)
- it is illegal to pay someone to fix your car on your drive.
- you cannot turn right into the tiny country road by where we live between 7am & 10am. Remember turning right is like turning left in England, it's not causing any traffic jams. It's just so the police can hide in the bushes and give you a 'citation'. I'm not even really sure what one of those is but apparently people get them a lot here (see the next two points, these will also get you a citation and possibly even a prison sentence if you're really unlucky with your choice of location in shooting your firearms)
- they simply do not have roundabouts, just a stop sign every few hundred yards, even when there's nothing to stop for.
- you are not allowed to shoot firearms on a highway or at traffic signs (I kid you not, please see attached photo taken from the California Driver Handbook, used to pass my written test this week) You better choose a car park or a bike lane if this is your plan.
It's just dawned on me that all of these but one are all car related and what a difference a few months makes to my LA probs so I'll move on to another old favourite of mine - dogs! I know I've blogged about this topic but I just can't get to grips with it. At the risk of being politically incorrect, this time it's service dogs specifically. Now I know you're probably thinking how can she have a problem with the poor old guide dogs for the blind, we didn't think she was that bad. Oh no! These are 'emotional support' dogs. Their main method of transport (when not in a 'stroller') is a Louis Vuitton handbag and their owner is allowed to take them where they want, a favourite location being restaurants that normally don't allow dogs. They are given paperwork to prove this. Heaven forbid if you ask to see the paperwork because you just don't believe that this dog is offering any kind of emotional support whatsoever because it's too busy trying to figure out how to get out of its pink leopard skin tank top and matching shoes!
I caved and got a car, if my next blog is about my new dog someone please come and take me home!
- there never seems to be a house number 1. Ever! I live in 2680. The road is about half a mile long and all of the houses are quite detached from each other.
- you cannot buy wine at Trader Joes using a driving licence as id unless it's from California (the driving licence, not the wine. Neither would surprise me.)
- it is illegal to pay someone to fix your car on your drive.
- you cannot turn right into the tiny country road by where we live between 7am & 10am. Remember turning right is like turning left in England, it's not causing any traffic jams. It's just so the police can hide in the bushes and give you a 'citation'. I'm not even really sure what one of those is but apparently people get them a lot here (see the next two points, these will also get you a citation and possibly even a prison sentence if you're really unlucky with your choice of location in shooting your firearms)
- they simply do not have roundabouts, just a stop sign every few hundred yards, even when there's nothing to stop for.
- you are not allowed to shoot firearms on a highway or at traffic signs (I kid you not, please see attached photo taken from the California Driver Handbook, used to pass my written test this week) You better choose a car park or a bike lane if this is your plan.
It's just dawned on me that all of these but one are all car related and what a difference a few months makes to my LA probs so I'll move on to another old favourite of mine - dogs! I know I've blogged about this topic but I just can't get to grips with it. At the risk of being politically incorrect, this time it's service dogs specifically. Now I know you're probably thinking how can she have a problem with the poor old guide dogs for the blind, we didn't think she was that bad. Oh no! These are 'emotional support' dogs. Their main method of transport (when not in a 'stroller') is a Louis Vuitton handbag and their owner is allowed to take them where they want, a favourite location being restaurants that normally don't allow dogs. They are given paperwork to prove this. Heaven forbid if you ask to see the paperwork because you just don't believe that this dog is offering any kind of emotional support whatsoever because it's too busy trying to figure out how to get out of its pink leopard skin tank top and matching shoes!
I caved and got a car, if my next blog is about my new dog someone please come and take me home!
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