Soul (Cycling) Searching

Just a few things I have learnt about myself since moving to LA.

I have the words 'It's too hot' in my vocabulary. Who knew?

There's a lot of things I won't do for money. A lot!!! And many more I won't do for free!

The smell of the bakery down by the Albert Dock is actually a more preferable smell on a morning run that the smell of marijuana (even if it is medical)

I'm not as fit as I thought. 10 K? Shmen K! Have you done paddleboat yoga whilst soul cycling through the rocks of Runyon Canyon whilst casually balancing your $10 green smoothie that tastes like stale cabbage because that's what it probably is on your washboard stomach? No? Really??

I like to watch a movie without people clapping all the way through it. I know Denzel is amazing, you know he is amazing, I'm sure he even knows he's amazing but every time he comes on screen? Really? You do know he can't hear you right?

And finally. I really want to type the words - I don't like dogs.......

Ok I have and I haven't been arrested/sectioned/publicly flogged. Before I moved here I used to say 'It's not that I don't like dogs...' Now? Hmmmm. Ok LA peeps (sheep as a lamb right?) this is what I think;

1 - They shouldn't wear shoes. I'm not even justifying this one, they just shouldn't. And certainly not ones more expensive than mine.

2 - They shouldn't sit on the table at a restaurant. I'm not even sure they should sit at a table at a restaurant but seriously if it's rude to put your elbows on the table where does your dog's ass fit on the scale?

3 - When you want to rent an apartment and you haven't got a dog, it's not weird. In fact it's kind of good. For me, you and the dog we haven't got. Think about it!

4 - If I kick your dog in the head because it licked my leg when I didn't even know it was there then you have to deal with that. This may be hard to hear but a) not everyone likes dogs and b) even people who don't hate dogs might not want their leg licked by one!

If you don't get another blog again you'll know why. The Scot did warn me about the perils of voicing my opinion about dogs. Oh hang on isn't that what the first amendment is for? If not, there's always the fifth.

And Then There's This

As it's Friday I thought I'd do a two for one Happy Hour special.

Please note the following;

This is a game show.

This is for stand ins.

A stand in means you stand in, in place of the contestant while they fix the set etc, you are not part of the show. It's a rehearsal.

There are no words.

FEMALE CONTESTANT STAND-INS) "Live Presentation - Rehearsals" / Stand-In / Female / All Ethnicities / 21-35 Looking for gals to be stand-ins for our contestants. MUST BE COMFORTABLE WORKING IN YOUR UNDERWEAR! We want personality, people that are going to have fun, be honest, take direction, and be very vocal. Wardrobe: UNDERWEAR Rate: $100/Day Sexual Situations: UNDERWEAR *PLEASE ONLY SUBMIT IF THIS IS SOMETHING YOU ARE COMFORTABLE WITH*

🎶 I Don't Think You're Ready 🎶

Just a quick one this as the last one was so exhausting (for me and you!)

I was tempted to say to the Scot that as he did so well with the 50 shots of my hands that this is his next photographic job. I'm just not sure I'm up to it (physically or mentally) and I'm sure he isn't either!

[ FEMALE BUTT MODELS ] ($100)
Casting for female butt models to take part in a segment for a * Pilot. This is a 1 day shoot only. No nudity.  Looking for models who meet either of the following criteria:

Augmented Butt (must have injections or implants)
Naturally Bootylicious Butt

We're Not in Kansas Anymore.

So the day started with a local Groupon for a Stun Gun and then continued with me literally staring at the same 541 photos of myself over and over again for the next seven hours trying to choose my new head shots and it just made me think how different life has become in the last two months.

(Well actually that strictly isn't true. The day started on the hour every hour from about 5am with the chimes of the new clock that for some reason has been hung outside my bedroom door. It would have started earlier but I've figured out it takes until about the 5th dong to wake me!)

Anyway..... Obviously things are different as this has been the nature of the blog but I don't just mean the specific things that have deserved their own blog page and title, I'm talking about the average day/week I have now compared to the one I had at home.

Monday - get up, walk to Starbucks (not the drive-thru) for a skinny vanilla latte instead of just making a coffee at home myself. Ask the Scot to take pictures of my hands for a nail varnish ad. This practically brought us to lunch time as we did about 50 takes (too wrinkly, I look like I've got no thumb, too high (they don't want my face in) too low (they don't want my crotch in!) then give up and film myself saying 'Hi I'm Suzanne Roche'  50 times instead for a clip to go online with my audition submissions. Somehow the day has gone so we get food delivered from a local restaurant (as you do on a Monday! When you have no job!) and watch reruns of 'Modern Family' on cable (at least that's like being at home)

Tuesday - go to acting class (via Starbucks) where we take part in what is essentially a form of self/group torture filming scripts all day, watching them back and getting 'feedback' from the teacher in front of the group. On the first day we were put into groups of how we would be cast. I was in my own group. Me - 'Oh well at least I'm different here, I'm not skinny and blonde like everyone else' The Scot - 'You're not young either.'
Another day gone, go to bed reminding myself for the hundredth time since being here why I'm actually doing this!

Wednesday - Audition for a role that requires a British woman with 50 other British women (who aren't very friendly) and an Australian woman who tells the group of unfriendly British women that she's not doing RP (standard English) because it sounds stupid.
Receive a phone call from someone asking me to go to a meeting about a role I can't remember applying for in a pizza parlour across the other side of LA. Meet with the producer (a Kanye West look a like who is frequently paid to fly to London to pretend to be Kanye) and an actor who is a Russell Brand look a like and realise once again how I don't actually look like anyone. Still continue to tell myself this is surely a good thing!!!
Go to the Hollywood Bowl for Black Movie Soundtrack night where I get to sit in a box and see/listen to amazing music from the movies sung by Anthony Hamilton, En Vogue, Public Enemy and Maya Rudolph amongst others. Don't even have to pay for the ticket thanks to the generosity of our new found friends and host.

Thursday - acting class again. See Tuesday and imagine some other form of group humiliation to get the idea.
Go and see a free screening of the new Pierce Brosnan film thanks to this being LA and this kind of thing happening all of the time. Sadly disappointed when I remember that America doesn't do sweet popcorn.

Friday - Avoid three calls from the Scientology Celebrity Centre (I kid you not) and go and view two apartments you can barely swing a cat in for twice what my mortgage was at home. Console ourselves with a delicious breakfast which we finally get to eat once we've figured out what type of bread we want (too many to type, some surely aren't even kinds of bread!) and whether we want potatoes, pancakes, fruit, hash browns or salad. Surely it must be bed time! Go to a Greek Festival in South LA organised by Tom Hanks and Rita Wilson where we visit a cathedral, drink terrible wine and eat baklava where the highlight of the week (two months?) so far is watching the Scot do Greek dancing.

Saturday - Spot Alex Kingston at the Farmer's Market in Hollywood. Get even more excited when I spot the Boots concession in Walgreen's. Go and be part of the audience for the game show 'Celebrity Name Game'. Our very own bush tucker trial to earn money to pay for our meal and wine that night. Draw the line at extra whooping and hollering to earn another 20 dollars for being the audience member with the most energy! Go and spend the money on a nice meal where our second 'celebrity' spot of the day was Katie Waissel from X Factor (not that we would have known that but she told us when we were chatting to her because we heard she was English)

Sunday - go to a manager workshop because performing in front of people and asking for feedback all week isn't quite enough. FaceTime with everyone so I can get a bit of reality/home back into my life. Decide to be all LA and go to a local Yoga class for the first time then once again remember where I'm from and get Chinese on the way home.
Another week gone, go to bed reminding myself for the hundredth time since being here how lucky I am.