Wasted

I’m not drinking alcohol at the moment. I’m doing the Whole 30. It’s 30 days of no booze, sugar, wheat, dairy etc., etc., etc., yawn, yawn, yawn. In my wisdom I decided to go on a date. I say ‘decided’, a friend set me up with someone they know, and I didn’t feel like I could say, ‘well actually I’m not drinking for another 12 days and I don’t love dating so can we wait until then, so I can numb my fear with wine? Thanks!’ Also, the only thing you can really have is soda water, no Diet Coke or fruit juice to try to be a little less boring. And I was walking to the bar as he lives close by so I couldn’t using driving as an excuse. 

The funny thing is when I told people my fear of coming across as lame no one said ‘don’t worry about it, it’s fine’. I received advice ranging from ‘tell him you’re getting over a cold’ to ‘get there first and order a soda and just pretend it’s vodka’ or ‘oh just have a drink’. I was actually more bothered about what he thought of me not drinking than I was about actually not having a drink and when I googled it the only real advice I could find was articles on dating for people in recovery, apart from the whole30 founder of course who says it’s really not a big deal (easy to say when you look like her and have a multi-million dollar business!) 

So I went. And I didn’t drink. The Scot says I need to try to be a bit more ‘demure’ on a first date. Of course that’s not possible, but maybe I could be less gobby than I can be after a drink and I think I was my usual, chatty, friendly self. I first realised it probably wasn’t going great when he drank his first cocktail quite quickly and didn’t want another one and then my suspicion was stronger when hadn’t asked anything about my job or my family but we’d (he’d) chatted about his accountant for fifteen minutes. Then I felt more certain when he asked for the bill at 930pm (we met at 8) and left to go to CVS to buy milk. And if I wasn’t completely sure at that point then I was two days later when he text me to say he’d had a great time (!) but he didn’t think we were a match. I never would have guessed, so I was really happy he pointed that out after two days of me not contacting him. 

I’m not sure what the moral of this story is. Get hammered next time? The Scot said maybe I was bit ‘too much’ for him. Without a drink??? Hmm I’m sure you can buy over the counter tranquillisers here, maybe that’s the future!

Scoot Along

There’s a new craze in town. Scooters. When I first moved here I was always amazed at how there seems to be no age limit for people on skateboards. That’s just not a thing where I’m from. I really can’t imagine anyone over, erm, 12 on a skateboard in Liverpool, never mind anyone over 40. It happens here. A lot. But now the scooters have arrived. And when I say scooter I don’t mean one like George Clooney’s that they call a scooter but it looks like a motorbike. I mean a scooter like you pushed yourself along on one-footed as a child, except it’s battery powered so you put both feet on. And grown men in suits go to work on them. 

It was like they appeared overnight. Literally. On every street corner. It’s not like the bikes where they have a specific pick up point. You use an app to find one that has been abandoned pretty much anywhere by its last user, I imagine you run to it before anyone else gets it, you get on it and off you go.  Well of course you have to pay. The Scot and I were having a nose at them, and using them as a photo opportunity, and his one said to him (yes it spoke) ‘Either pay for me or I will call the police’. Clever!

I haven’t used one yet. I’m not sure how I would stop. It’s easy to say just find one, pay, get on and go but then what? It’s got disaster written all over it and I can’t be the only one in the whole of LA who wears a helmet on one. I’d like to say its making the traffic problem better but it’s not. I also wonder if it’s a ploy to avoid getting older in this crazy town.

When I did the goat improv I promised myself I would carry on trying out new things for this blog. For this one I realised I like the use of my legs too much. I’m thinking my next one will be about the marijuana shops. Let’s see which way that goes!